


Three Times Jules Cassidy Almost Wished He Wasn't With the FBI (And One Time He Was Glad He Was)

by misura



Category: Troubleshooter Inc. - Suzanne Brockmann
Genre: Community: smallfandomfest, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-12-11
Updated: 2008-12-11
Packaged: 2017-11-23 19:33:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/625765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misura/pseuds/misura
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>[what it says on the tin]</p>
            </blockquote>





	Three Times Jules Cassidy Almost Wished He Wasn't With the FBI (And One Time He Was Glad He Was)

**Author's Note:**

> prompt: _Jules Cassidy, secret agent man_
> 
> spoilers for up to and including _Force of Nature_

1.

In his third week of pretending to be a runaway with hopes of joining a gang that might have recently gone from hanging around and looking dangerous, to _driving_ around and _acting_ dangerous, Jules realized one of the five older boys who more or less ran things had a crush on him.

Lucky for Jules, the kid would probably die before he'd admit it. He had a steady girlfriend, too - of the tomboy type, who made up in character what she might lack in chest and who was supposed to be a real wildcat in bed, although Jules suspected that last part was mostly the other kids' explanation for the fact that she was dating one of their role-models without the required looks.

Under the wrong circumstances, it might have been dangerous to have someone taking an up, close and personal interest in Jules - or rather, in 'Julian Young', who prefered to be called 'Jules' and had run away from home three months ago, after an argument about being allowed to smoke in his room. Although there really were a Mr and Mrs Young somewhere who, when asked, would confirm they had a son Julian, who'd left home and whom they wished to come home so that they could lovingly lecture him about the evils of tobacco, sloth and not going to church every Sunday, Jules' cover wasn't as airtight as that of, say, someone infiltrating a group of terrorists in a foreign country. The resources of the FBI were limited, and while juvenile gangs were presently a 'hot topic', they were also considered low risk, as far as undercover operations went.

The odds of any runaway teen calling Mr and Mrs Young just to check Jules' story were incredibly small. The chances of anyone bothering to check the records at the local highschool were even smaller - which was why the FBI hadn't bothered planting any, just providing Jules with some basic information on the school and some of its more prominent teachers.

Under the present circumstances, Jules was fairly sure the danger was minimal, especially because it was very much a crush, as opposed to a desire to jump Jules when he was coming out of the shower or some such thing. _That_ might have caused trouble. Jules was more than capable of defending himself, but 'Julian Young' was hardly any kind of fighter.

A crush was harmless, almost sweet, even if Jules never forgot where he was and what he was doing here. Hollywood and James Bond notwithstanding, one of the golden rules of working undercover was: Do Not Get Involved. With _anyone_. Getting involved meant exposing yourself, and exposing yourself meant blowing your cover.

Getting involved also meant that most of the time, people got hurt. Because yes, Jules might like the kid back enough to sit him down and have a talk, straighten him out a little (so to speak) but in the end, Jules was still a federal agent and the kid one of the possible criminals he'd been sent to investigate. Any kind of trust or faith Jules might be able to create between the two of them would shatter the moment he left and, possibly, came back accompanied by a team to arrest people.

And so Jules did or said nothing, keeping his distance, assuring himself it was better this way, that there'd be someone else to tell the kid it was all right to fall in love, even if it was with someone of the same gender.

He didn't believe himself for one moment.

 

2.

Jules always knew when Adam was lying. He couldn't help it; he'd been trained as a federal agent to notice things, like when people weren't being truthful or when there were signs in an apartment of more than one person having been there.

On bad days, Jules almost felt guilty about it; things might be working far better between him and Adam, if only he'd been less observant - and less possessive, perhaps, although Jules didn't think expecting your partner to be faithful and monogamous in your absence was being possessive.

There could be no doubt that Adam was an excellent liar. It probably helped that he was an actor, but then, Jules was an FBI-agent, with plenty of experience at undercover operations. If anyone should have been good at lying, it should have been Jules.

Instead, more often than not, Adam read him like a book, knowing just what to say or do to manipulate Jules into doing once again what Adam wanted him to do. At times, especially in the beginning, Jules didn't mind, because most often, what Adam wanted involved sex, and sex with Adam was never unpleasant. _Then_ , at least, Jules felt fairly sure he was the one on Adam's mind.

Even when they were half a world apart, Adam was still the one Jules thought of when he was lying in bed, alone. It didn't matter how long they hadn't seen one another, or how petty Adam had behaved before Jules' departure, acting as if Jules was leaving just to annoy and inconvenience him, instead of to do the job he'd dedicated his life to, which happened to involve making the world a better and safer place. It also didn't matter that when Jules called and Adam didn't answer the phone, Jules was pretty sure it wasn't because Adam had 'turned in early' as he'd sometimes claim later.

Jules could no more fall out of love with Adam than he could stop being an FBI-agent.

(Or so he thought.)

 

3.

Even when people were talking about the influence the media were having on wars by covering them, Jules knew that there were still a lot of things the media either didn't know about or knew enough about not to cover it, because to do so would endanger the lives of brave men and women.

He knew that for every hostage-situation that was shown full-colour on TV, there were a dozen more the general public never heard about - and while a lot of them were resolved without the loss of any human lives (or at least without the loss of any _American_ lives), some of them also ended badly.

Jules agreed that sometimes, in some countries, the situation demanded some sort of intervention from outside, because the people currently in power were hardly any better than a bunch of trigger-happy psychos who would ruin their country and slaughter hundreds of innocent people in the name of their own brand of justice or religion. He believed that the US had a duty to help and intervene when they could, and when it was warranted, even if it meant sending in soldiers who might get killed.

Most people who enlisted did so because they believed in the same things. Because they believed in America, and the ideals that the US stood for. Jules had joined the FBI because of those same ideals, even if he'd known the army wouldn't be the best place for him to serve his country. Unlike the bureau, the army didn't take kindly to people like Jules, and while Jules was fine with his superiors pretending not to know what that rainbow-flag on his desk meant, he knew that once he'd come out of the closet (which had been at about the same time he'd first kissed another boy), he never wanted to go back in there.

Jules had made his choice a long time ago, and he was happy with it. He liked his job and most of his colleagues, very few of whom gave his preferences any second thought anymore. Peggy Ryan was the only one who still treated him like he had the plague, but as long as she wasn't in charge, Jules could live with that. It was a pity that unlike, say, Sam, she hadn't changed her mind or attitude as she got to know Jules better, but Jules had no ambition to be liked by everyone. It was enough to be liked by people he genuinely respected, like Max.

Things were very different for Ben. Jules wanted to tell him that it was no good hiding, that pretending to be something you weren't would only make you unhappy, but he never quite had the heart. Especially when it became clear that while Ben had fallen in love with Jules, Jules could only think of him as a friend. A good friend. An attractive friend he didn't mind having sex with, but still only a friend.

None of Ben's colleagues or superiors knew Ben was gay. They'd never asked and he'd never told - and even if they had asked, Jules knew Ben probably would have lied. Because he wanted to keep doing his job. Because he felt he had a duty, and because he felt it was more important to be able to continue performing that duty than it was to be honest about what he was.

Jules admired and hated Ben's attitude at the same time. He admired the way Ben believed in his job, but Jules knew that he himself would never have stood for being forced into a closet like that. Ben seemed to think that it was enough if he just was himself in private, with Jules, pretending in public that they were just friends, or even acquaintances, never touching or holding hands or even exchanging a simple smile. He wasn't Adam, no - sooner the opposite, as Adam had never been uncomfortable doing _anything_ in public - yet in a way, Jules knew, a relationship with Ben might well end up damaging Jules as badly as Adam had. Adam had been lying to Jules; Ben was lying to himself, and everyone around him. Jules told himself that staying away from Ben would be better for Ben, too.

Ben was undercover right now, and the more involved he got with Jules, the bigger the risk that he'd blow his cover. Much as Jules wanted Ben to come out, he wanted it to be on Ben's terms, in Ben's time, not by accident.

When Jules wasn't with Ben and thought of him, he usually worried.

And knowing exactly how 'safe' it was where Ben had been stationed didn't help one bit.

 

4.

"Oh, _fuck_ ," Robin said.

"That was the general idea, yes." Jules wriggled a little, making sure he'd still be able to feel his hands in, say, an hour or so.

"No, I mean - " Robin looked at him, flushed a deep red and looked away again, as if he'd never seen Jules naked before. "I've lost the keys to the handcuffs," he told the wall.

"You lost the keys," Jules repeated. Robin wasn't smiling - in fact, he was looking downright miserable - so he probably wasn't joking.

"I put them _right here_. I swear."

Several things to say occured to Jules, some of them funny, but Robin probably wouldn't think so, especially given that this whole thing had been _his_ idea, more or less - he'd mentioned it rather hesitantly, almost shyly, and Jules had reacted positively, making it clear that he didn't think a fantasy involving handcuffs was any stranger or more perverted than one that involved roleplaying or a bathtub.

Truth be told, Jules might have a few fantasies of his own that involved Robin and a pair of handcuffs.

"You didn't think to bring the spare ones?"

Robin shook his head. "They're back in Boston."

Jules sighed.

"Great idea, huh?" Robin chuckled bitterly. "First time in ages that we can both get a weekend off, and I just can't help but screw things up."

"Oh, I wouldn't quite say that," Jules said, putting his arms around Robin from behind.

It took Robin a few moments to realize the significance of that gesture - or rather: of Jules being able to embrace him without trapping Robin's own arms in the process.

"Hey, how did you - " Robin started, turning.

"Trade secret." Jules grinned.

Every now and then, the things he'd picked up as an FBI agent really came in handy.


End file.
